Gentle Parenting Defined (And how to apply it to toddler breastfeeding)

Gentle, authentic, positive, authoritative parenting is plastered everywhere, and it sounds great! But what the heck does it actually mean?

What is gentle parenting?

This elusive parenting style sits between the more intense authoritarian approach and the hands-off permissive parenting, so let's define them:

• Authoritarian parenting = The "Do as I say" approach. Children are seen, not heard, there is punishment over cooperation, and the adult matters more than the child
• Permissive parenting = Giving into child's demands to reduce risk of conflict or upset. This parent's goal is to keep their child happy, even at the expense of their own needs/desires

Often, the breastfeeding moms I help want to be gentle parents, but end up unintentionally being permissive parents.

A common example of this is giving in to a nursing session after telling your toddler "no" in order to reduce their upset.

Gentle parenting is the space where you can hold the limit in a calm, loving way (verbally and nonverbally), without punishing their big feelings.

Of course, your ability to stay calm in their storm is key to this all working. To do that, you have to:

• Reflect on how you were raised and how you would have been treated if we were "acting out"
• Recognize that part of your discomfort in allowing our child to have big feelings is based on fear of judgment from others; especially your own parents who may be critical of you parenting differently than they did.
• Be rested.
• Be fed.

Let's be real - that's a hard list to check off EVERY time they demand milk.

So first, I want you to recognize how awesome it is that you are wanting to do things in a new and better way than you were raised, especially if you didn't like how you were treated. And second, I want you to give yourself grace that this is new, and it will improve with time and experience.

How to apply gentle parenting to toddler nursing?

Loving boundaries.

Remember, gentle parenting is finding the balanced approach where BOTH your child's and your needs are met. If you are burnt out from breastfeeding demands, it's not necessarily a sign to wean, but rather an indication you need boundaries.

To learn more, I recommend the following resources:

Check out ep. 5 of my podcast Weaning It

• I deep dive specific strategies to use with your breastfeeding toddler to help manage meltdowns and increase connection, as well as what to do when your child cries when you say "no" to the boob.
• I also discuss additional resources that I personally used to learn more about gentle parenting!

Check out my $19 Basics of Breastfeeding Boundaries mini course - In 20 minutes, I give you 3 tips to setting breastfeeding boundaries and 5 example limits you can begin to implement today!

 Last things to consider:

1. Boundaries are not appropriate to infant breastfeeding, but they are essential to making extended nursing manageable, especially if you are getting touched out.
2. Setting the limit AND allowing the upset is what makes you a gentle parent.